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Twin-Kats

There Is A Child Within Us All
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the one thing i never expected was to actually pop back over to dA. I used to love this website and then life got a hold of me and over the years I've barely touched it. Now, 27 and going through the motions of depression and suicidal ideation once more, I step back into the realm of dA. I find I'm not sure if I missed it -- I didn't miss the millions of notifications I get from people I followed way back when.

I missed sharing art, sharing ideas, sharing works of written fiction. I like to think I've improved over time; that my ideas have grown and my skills have gotten better. Even in my lowest of my lowest points I've always felt I've gotten somewhere. Depression is something of a social fuck up rather than an artistic one. I've never quite gotten depressed because I feel my art is shit or I'm not good enough or I don't have enough likes. I art and I write and I'm creative because I like it, not because I search out others for validation. If my work is crap I get that response of 'oh god why did I do that' that, as adults looking back on teenage years, you often find. The cringe worthy nostalgia. That pain.

Depression has never been about art. It's about me as a human being -- how I'm not...good enough as a human being. I upset people. I hurt people. I mess up. It twists and warps perceptions; forces me to see things in lights I detest. Forces me to think about things I'd rather avoid. There are several glaring patterns that happen when I'm depressed, and when I hit that near-bottom of the bottomless, cycling pit. I start to cry, I sit in the shower and don't really clean myself, I sleep all the time. I contemplate hanging myself from my ceiling fan, or slicing into my skin with a kitchen knife. I vividly imagine what it'd be like to slit my own throat.

I start wandering off into the land of kink, of sin, of sick and twisted. I look at things I never look at unless I'm at my lowest -- read things that normally utterly disgust me. It's like I turn into a walking pile of trash, hidden beneath a smile, suffused with a headache and with this broken, jaggedness that I can't escape. I cease to clean. I cease to care.

Or I care too much. Or not at all.

I go out of my way to purposefully cause myself hurt.

...I am not a nice human being. I'm not a good human being. I'm not a considerate human being. I've learned this about me, and I've learned that even if I try I tend to get nowhere. Often.

As of now I'm writing because I can't draw -- payday is friday, but I've completely misplaced a lot of things. I'm a wreck who doesn't want to attend therapy -- can't be arsed to get out of bed. I don't eat, or I barely eat.

And yet still I seek out thrills to what end? To drive up some serotonin in my brain?

Hah.

What a pathetic creature I am. In the meantime enjoy my works of not-quite-art I guess. I'll be uploading something's here at some point when I've got the working capacity to do so.
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Hey, so yeah, I'm still around you know? I can seem that most of my shit has been Homestuck lately, but up until just last week I've been more Captain America. I just can't draw Marvel stuff worth crap, so no art. Then two days ago Clockwork from Danny Phantom...you guys remember him right? Well he popped up and just won't leave, so I'm finally getting around to reworking my Danny Phantom shit like I always planned.

Hell, I've even started to pen out the starting pages for the rework of Redemption. Any of you who care about me might remember this little thing? 

DP: Nightly Breeze, Starry Sky by Twin-Kats 

Yeah. it has it's own comic idea attached. I don't know if you remember that. I talked about it on this page here:

Nightly Breeze -WIP by Twin-Kats

And then there's this rebooted attempt at a first page that never really went anywhere:
Redemption 1 by Twin-Kats
And honestly? It never went anywhere because that style attempt was a pain in my ass. A couple of months back I drew concept art for a cover (with no background, because I need to figure out how to background better) and now I've actually got a rough sketch of a first page. It's a POS to be honest. There is a lot I need to fix on it (Clockwork's eyes, his staff, a lot of shit) but it's actually in the works, and I have a feeling Clockwork isn't gonna leave me alone this time.

I've also started a reboot of Destiny's Calling too, with a reworked chapter script and a reworked concept cover page as well. Especially now that I've learned more about drawing comics and perspective. Yeah, I haven't put much up on it actually, but I've been practicing. Backgrounds still primarily elude me, but I'm working on them.

Finally I've begun reworking Half-Ghosts, Lightning Bolts, and Magic, as well as fixing up Cradle This Moment, all of which are still in the rough drafting stages like Redemption and Destiny's Calling, but are coming along a lot smoother. Especially since I'm not high off of caffeine these days. I've mostly quit drinking soda and other high sugared and caffeinated beverages aside from tea.

So now I'm left with, well, a bit of a dilemma.

Do I attempt to colorize these pages, or leave them in black and white with colored "special" pages? Below, and in my gallery now, you'll find my WIP for the new first page of Redemption. I'll include an example of what I mean by black and white, let me know if you think it looks good enough to remain that way, or if a colored version might be more interesting.

I really do want to know.

(if you want more of me rambling on things, what I'm currently obsessing over [mostly marvel stuff, some ouat, some maleficent] or updates on working on projects I'm on tumblr under the username xadoheandterra) 

Redemption1 RD BW by Twin-Kats Redemption1 Rough Draft by Twin-Kats

I'll include more later.

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I'm looking for people to RP this with me. It's a Hemoswap / Species Swap AU, no game involved although some game elements still remain. If anyone is willing to join me in an extensive AU RP experience leave a message. Below are Open Characters and Taken Characters as well as a brief backdrop and image link (if I have one) All pictures (aside from ones in italics) are ROUGH CONCEPTS and SUBJECT TO CHANGES

KIDS:

Karkat Peixes - Heir Apparent to the Alternian Throne. He's a mesh of Karkat and Meenah who has a secret love of fishpuns that he denies the existence of. He's a bit of a rebel and close friends with Tavros Ampora (his "auspistice"), Nepeta Maryam (his moirail) and Jaeken Nitram. Former BEST friends with Johnne Serket, who nearly blinded him in one eye and he is now (unaware) feeling black for, and absolutely loathes Jaydde Vantas (his other "auspistice"). His friend and potential Matesprit Feferi Pyrope vanished at four sweeps old. He's watched closely by the Empire and by His Imperious Condescension Kankri, enough that he has close interactions with his Ancestor, who nearly dictates his entire life. He has a love of FLARP, love of treasure and shiny things, and has a softer side than most seadwellers that he's forced to hide.

Tavros Ampora - Seadweller in charge of Karkat's lusus' food. He's a mix of Porrim, Rufioh, and Tavros. He's often got a revolving door policy for blackrom and seems pathetically unsuccessful at redrom. He has a tone of confidence (border on overconfidence) He's obsessed with Fidusspawn and sometimes FLARPs. He's tried being Matesprits with Jaydde and it failed but he holds a strong friendship with her still. He doesn't hold much care for the hemospectrum, but that's more as he hates all trolls in general. His moirail is Jaeken Nitram who lives in Karkat's sea-land palace as a servant. - PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

Roasel Makara - Think Rose, but as a psychopath/sociopath who just doesn't feel anything. She's the type of troll who will torture someone while having evening tea with guests. She picks apart her fellows brains, kills without abandon...think of her as an actual psychopath/sociopath. She doesn't understand or feel emotions like other trolls. She has a fascination with it, but aside from that she really doesn't have emotions or emotional attachments, except for Johnne, who is her moirail. This extends to her entire life. So she's rather monotone in her actions. She can fake emotions, sort of, but it always feels weird to those around her. Like it's not right somehow. - PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

Daevid Zahhak - A mix of Equius and Dave. Mostly Dave with Equius' insane strength. Dave is Jaydde's moirail. He knows and is friendly with Karkat but they aren't friends, and he sort of hates him on principle due to how he interacts with Jaydde. Roasel is his friend, but she creeps him out. He used to be friendly with Johnne, up until Jaeken got paralyzed and Jaydde blew up Johnne's arm in retaliation. Mostly aloof, writes slam p*oetry, builds robots and mixes music. Peripherally friends with Sollux and Aradia, and knows Jaeken fairly well. - PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

Johnne Serket - Think the worst possible combination of John and Vriska and you have Johnne. He's got Vriska's twisted view on life and way of "helping" others with John's penchent for pranks and practical jokes, which in this case often turn deadly. He's happy go lucky and is honestly the only troll NOT terrified of Roasel, for whom he is moirail. He has an odd hate-friendship with Jaydde, is friends with Tavros whom he teases like Karkat, is in a weird phase of waxing black and red for Karkat these days, unsure of his exact feelings. Absolutely LOVES FLARP, and doesn't understand how Karkat twists from being a jerk, to actually being almost his best friend again. - PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

Nepeta Maryam - A mix of Nepeta and Kanaya. She has Kanaya's fashion sense, rainbow drinker heritage, and sense of propriety but Nepeta's playfullness, feral nature, and shipping joys. And cats. It's why she kind of has a crush on Sollux. She's currently Karkat's moirail, sometimes drops a fishpun thanks to Karkat. She's the ONLY one who can get away with calling him Karkitty. Nepeta is gathering/rules a colony of Rainbow drinkers in secret (as if the Empire knew they'd be blown sky high) and is trying to help Karkat in his bid for the throne. Karkat is helping her with this. She's close with Sollux and Aradia due to their shared ancestry/history and knows Jaydde and her cult. She RP's with Karkat, Jaeken and Aradia. Maybe Daevid, and sometimes Johnne. - PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

Sollux Leijon - A mix of Sollux and Nepeta. He's got a bit of that feral tendency but the love for computers and things that come in twos/duality. He spazzes over Aradia's eyes a lot. He's obsessed with cats, but doesn't drop puns. Well rarely, in that cool douchebag way that is Sollux. He's got a forked tongue, and an insufferable lisp. There's a pale/flushed thing going with Aradia, but they don't know what it is yet. His ancestor he thinks is "the 2hiit" and he's roped up in the cult that follows Jaydde around. He and Karkat are friends, except when Karkat and Jaydde fight as it makes Jaydde moody which makes him moody. PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

Aradia Captor - She's pretty much just Aradia with Sollux's powers. Literally. Oh and she's not dead. She's fairly good friends with Jaeken and used to FLARP with him up until his accident. Aradia planned with Jaydde to blow up Johnne after that, and pushed Johnne towards almost blinding Karkat for his own role in the accident. She's close friends with Eridan, and was the 'tool' used in an attempt on Eridan's life until Sollux intervened. - PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

Jaeken Nitram - Pretty much Jake with a little Tavros and John. He's got an neverending sense of adventure but its waned since his accident. He can't do much except sit in a wheelchair, although he does have a pair of wings he COULD use, but he keeps them hidden and safe at the behest of his 'master' Karkat, who is more like his employer but to keep him alive Karkat plays at being his master and Jaeken his servant/slave. Jaeken has distant ties to the cult that worships Jaydde. He's close friends with most of the trolls.

Eridan Megido - Eridan is Eridan, in any life this doesn't much change. He's less of a homocidal dick, certainly, however he isn't lucky in relationships as they all go rather poor because the ghosts that follow many a troll around never shut up. Yes, he has Aradia's powers with communication to the dead. This doesn't help his outlook on life. His voice wavers oddly, like waves in the sea. He's not kind, but he's not pathetic either.

Jaydde Vantas - Think Jaydde. Now add in a cult that practically worships the ground she walks on. That's Jaydde Vantas in a nutshell. She's got a hate-friendship with Johnne, she's in an auspisticeship with Karkat and Tavros (she and Karkat get into some pretty epic arguments) and has a moirail in Daevid. She blew up Johnne's arm for what Johnne did to Jaeken.

Kara/Kanaya Strider - Kanaya Maryam as a human. Love of fashion, everything. There is very little of her that is reminiscent of Dave or Bro/Dirk, but there are some similarities. Mostly in the way of 'the art of sick fires' and that her sister runs a lucrative porn business, they live in an apartment, and toys and props can be found almost stashed away everywhere.

Tega/Terezi Crocker - Terezi Pyrope as a human. She's got the love of justice, a like of baked confectionery -- namely anything red or tasting like cherries. Her idea of justice is a bit backwards, but then that could be blamed on Feferi the weird alien chick she and her friends are helping and have been helping for the past few years. Her older sister runs the raddest bakery in town. She's blind.

Erol/Equius Harley - Equius Zahhak as a human, living on Jade's island. With more connection to the mainland though and his friends. He builds robots and is scarily talented in doing so. His island has often become Feferi's point of refuge. His older brother works as a mechanic half the time, and inventor the other half. He sells his inventions worldwide.

Vale/Vriska Lalonde - Vriska Serket if she were rich, wanted for nothing, and didn't have as shitty of an upbringing as with a murderess. Granted her big sister is known as a blackwidow, but that's more because of the horrendous shitty luck the girl tends to have in relationships ever since the strange time-traveling alien chick [Meenah] "vanished." An alien chick who looks a lot like Feferi, their alien refugee.

Gram/Gamzee Egbert - Gamzee Makara, in all of his glory. He's not a complete pathetic wreck, he has an older brother who does his best to keep him on the straight and narrow (well as straight and narrow as a mute, probable psychopathic murder can) They are seen as 'Juggalos' although honestly they're not quite as bad as some might consider. Gamzee has a like for baking and practical jokes, as well as suspicious substances of questionable origins.

Feferi Pyrope - The sweetest alien gal you could ever meet. She knew Karkat, was close to him, and because of that was forced by the Emperor into exile who originally planned to have her culled for 'being a bad influence on the heir' except he didn't for reasons. She has been living in exile ever since on Earth, and longs to find a way to return to her home, and to Karkat. She's got a knack for justice, Alternian brand and Earth brand, which comes from her legislacerator heritage. She's got a plan, and she's gotten her human friends to help her with it. She's also mute due to the revenge cycle between her and Johnne. - PICTURE IS ROUGH CONCEPT

ADULTS

His Imperious Condescension Kankri - The most twisted version of Kankri you will ever see, mostly as he's had dreams of another life that ended the world where he was a mutant. It kind of drove him mad. He's a dick, he knows it. He's power mad, but also in a way he just wants to die. Not, of course, without ensuring that his throne goes to a worthy heir, and heir just as twisted as he is. His plans are to make Karkat into that heir, no matter the cost. And if Karkat can't play by the rules? Well, then he'll begin anew with another brat. He's done this before after all. Oh, and there seems to be an odd obsession with sex.

Dualscar Rufioh - He's not dead, he's still around. He's Kankri's best general, often his pail parter or just because. He keeps an eye on Tavros, but otherwise isn't overly involved like Kankri, or even Roxyne. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.

Grand Highblood Roxyne - She's also still alive and like her top fellows keeps an eye on heir little bloodmatch. She steps in more than Rufioh, but way less than Kankri. She's also less protective/controlling. She's taught Roasel a few tricks and tips. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

The E%ecutor Dieryk - His story is rather the same, but however when his natural passing seemed to come during exile, he just disappeared. No one knows what happened, if he's alive, or if he's dead. No one except maybe Daevid. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.

Marquis Spinner Mindfang "Jaeken" - What is interesting is how the names Jaeken and Johnne are interchangeable ancestry wise. The Marquis is predicted to have met his fated end at the hands of his matesprit, Johnne, except no one knows whether this is true or not. There was no body found. If he's alive, or if he's dead, remained and remains a mystery. Although how one could survive so long without a seadwellers lifespan is a question for the ages. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.

Neophyte Redglare 'Meenah' - She didn't rise very fair in the ranks of legislacerators as a known Sufferist and is recorded as dead, killed by the Marquis, her target. However when the drones arrived to collect the body, there was no body to be found, like the others recorded as dead. There is rumor that she had an alien matesprit. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

Dolorosa Muelin - The 'mother' to the Sufferess/Signless, recorded as captured and sent into slavery. Also recorded as killed by a furious Dualscar, however no such recollection can be hand in Dualscar's memory of having killed the lass, and no body has ever been recovered. Seeing as she is a known rainbow drinker her continued existence is likely. Her location is unknown. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

Disciple Mituna - The love of the ages was between the Disciple and the Sufferess, or so the stories say. He is known to have kicked off a relationship with Dieryk after escaping into the wilds for exile, and is known for writing down the Sufferess' tales. However whether he died or simply vanished, like so many before and after him, is unknown. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.

Psiioniic/Helmswoman Demara - Currently Kankri's enslaved pilot and oftentimes sexual release. She's sarcastic, witty, and has a penchant for doing things on purpose to make Kankri just that bit shy of infuriated. She's a sexual deviant as well, and was well known for it when she traveled with the Sufferess, much to the Sufferess' embarrassment. She was the Sufferess' most vocal advocate, although if that's changed from prolonged life and exposure to Kankri it is uncertain. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

Summoner Johnne - Supposedly the Marquis' matesprit, raised a rebellion that ended in what is now known as the Exodus of all adults from the planet's surface. Supposedly he died in the rebellion, thus how it ended, but no one is sure exactly. It seemed all fighting just stopped one moment, and then the adults were told to leave the next. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.

Demon Cronus - It is unknown how the Demon exists, as he appears throughout all of time killing highbloods and lowbloods indiscriminately. It is said he is the reason Kankri sits upon his throne and that he and Kankri both deal in the blacker emotions between the two of them. However whether this is true or not only Kankri and the mysterious Demon can validate. Or maybe the Helmswoman. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.

Signless/Sufferess Jaynne - Your atypical story of a mutant saved by a jadeblood destined to die for her very existence. She is reported as executed, although there was no public execution. More like a public defacement as Kankri had her hidden away in the bowels of his ship for a while. She vanished, however, from said bowels and has never been seen since aside from mere rumor. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

Pora/Porrim Strider - She's sort of an aloof cool older sister who runs a lucrative porn business and keeps in contact with her friends, who are the older siblings of her younger sisters friends. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

Lina/Latula Crocker - She's got the raddest bakery in town. She lacks her sense of smell and taste, but somehow makes the best baked confectionaries. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

Hugh/Horuss Harley - He has a lucrative technology / mechanical business going that ships all over the world. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.

Adri/Aranea Lalonde - A rich and successful author who happens to be known as a blackwidow for her bad string of luck involving romance. She once had a girlfriend, but said girlfriend (a time traveling alien, apparently) disappeared one day. The new girl across the street, also rich and successful with guady jewelry reminds her an awfully lot of Meenah, though. There's not much else to say as she really hasn't been developed much.

Kane/Kurloz Egbert - He's probably a psychopathic murderer, is mute, but tries his hardest to keep his little brother sane and on the straight and narrow. There's not much else to say as he really hasn't been developed much.
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Need Money....

1 min read
I'm in need of funds to continue living, so I've begun to debate offering my services to make props/items/cosplay/clothes I suppose. If interested all I'd charge are cost of materials, shipping/handling, and a very small labor fee of which I'm still thinking on. Not sure what would be a good labor fee, really. I'll probably just charge something super simple, like 2 dollars an hour or 10 dollars per day of work or something....maybe even less than that. It'd probably change on difficulty of the item requested.

So. Yeah. If interested drop me a comment?
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Here is all the art I've done for characters/Ancestors within the game I am hosting/DMing titled "Sgrub: An Alternate View" - Here I will also be linking to everything that I have used as inspiration/borrowed from to make the outfits/poses. You will find them credited/linked below each character.

Please note this entire Journal is under construction meaning not all links are yet up. I will be updating this periodically.


Knight of Doom #1 [WIP]
Knight of Doom #2 [WIP]
Knight of Doom #3 [WIP]
Knight of Doom #4 [WIP]
Knight of Doom #5 [WIP]

Dreams of Prospit - Cielia
Sylph of Heart #1 [WIP]
Sylph of Heart #2 [WIP]
Sylph of Heart #3 [WIP]



Page of Mind #1 [WIP]
Page of Mind #2 [WIP]
Page of Mind #3 [WIP]

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Featured

hello little world by Twin-Kats, journal

A little at a loss... by Twin-Kats, journal

After A Twisted Fashion [Homestuck AU Idear] by Twin-Kats, journal

Need Money.... by Twin-Kats, journal

Sgrub: An Alternate View by Twin-Kats, journal